BC's gift to the world- Premier Christy Clark

Rafe Mair on the perfect job opening for Christy Clark

BC's gift to the world- Premier Christy Clark
Premier Christy Clark, hard at work building an LNG industry for BC (Flickr CC Licence / Govt of BC)

I am a daydreamer who has had far too much time to daydream over the last months. I find I have brilliant ideas which seem fairly ridiculous once I move onto a new set of dreams, but every once in a while I find an idea which had merit that should have been explored. I’m also a political junkie and some people pay me to write or speak on this subject although, I’ve noticed, not so much these days as before.

A political issue of considerable note and worldwide import has crossed my febrile brain fairly often for last couple of years and it’s bothered me that no answers seem to pop out. Well, my skull gave me another brainwave as I bashed the hell out of it a couple of weeks ago and have been looking at a hospital ceiling much of the time since. Brilliant! And, you note, that this comes at Christmas time and the spirit of generosity fills the air as well as the tummy. Put all this together and I have this proposed Christmas present from British Columbia to the sports world, all but wrapped up and on Santa’s sleigh.

A star is born

We have a superior asset which many think has already been overused to the point that British Columbians are seen as selfish, something for which they’re not noted.

We trained this asset in school and she became an attendee at three internationally-known universities, although, for reasons known only to herself and her examiners, she did not graduate from any of them. Knowing, however, that genius called, she entered politics and, while accomplishing nothing, she did have the one thing politicians must have – timing.

In 2001, just as the NDP were gasping their last, our heroine, the Honourable Christy Clark, sought a seat in the BC legislature under the Liberal banner so sordid had the NDP flag become, even the Liberals looked good.

She got off to a flying start becoming the worst Education Minister in BC history, a list that includes Bill Vander Zalm. I’ll not trouble you with how she went from there to premier but in politics anything can happen and almost always does and that’s where she found herself.

Nothing discernibly adequate

In the years since, Ms. Clark has done nothing discernibly adequate, much less brilliant – except to display to all that we have a world-class incompetent leader.

Clark on a trade mission to India, praying hard for LNG deals (Flickr CC Licence / Govt of BC)
Clark on a trade mission to India, praying hard for LNG deals (Flickr CC Licence / Govt of BC)

I wouldn’t want it to to be thought that she doesn’t work at this because I have never seen anyone work harder at covering utter ignorance with smiles and photo-ops. Without knowing a single solitary thing about LNG – worse, everything she thinks she does know is wrong – she’s stamped herself as a world-class business class traveler to Asia and there’s scarcely a dishonest leader there that she hasn’t met and glowingly praised.

Ever mindful of the future, she has trained an ex-cop, likewise unsullied by brain or experience, to travel with her and demonstrate that he doesn’t know anymore than she does – not difficult to do.

The Peter Principle

Some complain that Christy and the gumshoe have no sense of humour but I think precisely the opposite is true. Just think of the hundred billion, or is it trillion, dollar Prosperity Fund she’s creating to finance our future fantasies! If that’s not high humour, what the devil is?

The famous Peter Principle states:

[quote]In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.[/quote]

Well, I think it is evident to all in British Columbia that premier Clark has rocketed right to the top of her “level of incompetence”, with scarcely a pause on the way.

The perfect job for Christy

Does this mean, alas, that there is nowhere for her to turn?

I didn’t think that there was, yet, while carefully regarding the hospital green on the ceiling the other day, it suddenly came to me! Eureka! After you get over your surprise, you’ll surely agree that I’ve discovered the ideal position for our premier in every imaginable way.

Sepp Blatter, through his own incompetence, has created the ideal job opening for Premier Christy Clark (Flickr CC Licence / PAN Photo)
Sepp Blatter, through his own incompetence, has created the ideal job opening for Premier Christy Clark (Flickr CC Licence / PAN Photo)

It requires not a soupcon of intelligence or intellectual curiosity. There’s no need to be overly honest – in fact the contrary is the case. No ability to lead is necessary – once the position is attained, all those who would like your job are too busy fighting over the scraps you brush off the table. The money is excellent, (none, going back to 1904, has failed to make piles for their pocket), travel exquisite, and, while one might think that the job is pretty boring, you must remember that our candidate brings boring to a level never yet approximated even in Sports history.

The position, now open to the public, (no previous experience necessary, just appropriate moral standards), is General Secretary of The Fédération Internationale de Football Association, the governing body of association football (Soccer), futsal and beach football, known as FIFA.

Job qualifications

I realize dear readers that I have painted a fairly sketchy portrait of what our Christy would be required to do as the world’s soccer czar – perhaps this short summary of “retiring” Mr. Blatter’s term will be of assistance:

[quote]After holding FIFA’s general secretary post for 17 years, Blatter eventually succeeded…as FIFA president in 1998, winning a contentious election against Lennart Johansson, who was then the president of Europe’s confederation, the Union of European Football Associations (UEFA).

Blatter has long been a controversial figure in the global soccer scene. Under his watch, the World Cup has grown into a multi-billion dollar event and has been held, for the first time ever, in Asia (2002 in Japan and South Korea) and in Africa (2010 in South Africa). At the same time, he has often angered his constituents with his remarks, such as when, in 2004, he suggested that female players wear “tighter shorts” to attract more male fans.

Reports have also for years linked FIFA, under Blatter’s leadership, with corruption, bribery and vote-rigging in conjunction with various internal elections and the awarding of hosts for the World Cup, including the 2018 and 2022 tournaments, in Russia and Qatar, respectively…[/quote]

I realize that giving Christy up to international sport is an act of considerable sacrifice and generosity. But we can do it, fellow citizens. After all, virtue is its own reward.

My only concern in making this recommendation is that premier Christy Clark may be considerably overqualified for the job.


About Rafe Mair

Rafe Mair, LL.B, LL.D (Hon) a B.C. MLA 1975 to 1981, was Minister of Environment from late 1978 through 1979. In 1981 he left politics for Talk Radio becoming recognized as one of B.C.'s pre-eminent journalists. An avid fly fisherman, he took a special interest in Atlantic salmon farms and private power projects as environmental calamities and became a powerful voice in opposition to them. Rafe is the co-founder of The Common Sense Canadian and writes a regular blog at rafeonline.com.

24 thoughts on “Rafe Mair on the perfect job opening for Christy Clark

  1. Sorry Rafe and Damien…I should have realized that during this holiday season you weren`t moderating comments on a regular basis..

    Rafe, and Damien, you do great work…Carry on…Please carry on reporting the truth/fact…Please carry on!!!!

  2. As a citizen of the UK with a leader who has much in common with crusty and an avid soccer fan I beg you to keep this incompetent at home, we can supply our own fuckwits for positions of power thank you.

    1. Good to know the British educational system has prepared your vocabulary for a long, healthy life as a successful soccer yob.

  3. This morning, a caller to CKNW mentioned the uncompleted Kemano Power Project, and I immediately recalled your interest in the project.

    What has happened to that project and the Alcan smelter?

    If you still follow those projects, this might be a good time for an update, either by return email or a blog article.

    Also, what is your position on Site-C?

    1. I’m not 100% positive but I believe the last turbine was installed in Kemano a few years back. The original construction back in the 1950’s left room for 1 more turbine next to the original 3 turbines in the cavern that was hollowed out inside Mt Dubose.
      I had a tour inside the mountain back in the mid 1980’s. It was like visting the set of a James Bond movie. Starting with the massive steel entrance doors that were closed after the original turbines were set in place. A tunnel 1 km inside a mountain. Electic golf carts and bicycles were used to shuttle workers to and fro. Old 1950’s style control panels and the “turbine cavern” was very noisy due to the water flow.
      The Alcan Smelter in Kitimat has been undergoing a major upgrade/refit over the past few years.
      Now that commodity prices(aluminum included) have slumped worldwide…..maybe Alcan can sell the excess power to the BC Hydro grid instead of them building another unwwanted dam (site C) to nowhere?

  4. Well said Rafe but never, ever underestimate the meglomaniacal aspirations of a narcissist.
    When Christy Clark once revealingly blurted out to an SFU prof that, “One day I’m going to be Prime Minister.”
    He quickly replied, “Of which country?” To the guffaws of her classmates.
    After the election of baby Trudeau.
    No one is laughing.

  5. Many thanks Rafe!

    One of my favorite Clark interviews…

    Besides viable prices, another important component of good business is the quality and integrity of your business partners. Here, our premier clearly lacks judgment. In the Tyee interview, she laughs off the $700 million corruption scandal in which Najib Razak, the prime minister of Malaysia and ultimate boss of state-owned Petronas, is embroiled. “Makes me feel like I went into business in the wrong country,” Clark quips. “It’s crazy. But you know, it’s just a different way of doing business, I guess…”

    Her strong sense of integrity knocks you over, doesn’t it?

  6. I am amazed you have left out the Senate of Canada as the inevitable destiny for Her Ladyship. And, I would prefer the world of soccer were left untouched by her. I still have some hope for FIFA’s reformation, optimist that I am.

  7. A little overgenerous I think Rafe. I was thinking of a position in purgatory but you have shown compassion for a troubled sole and her partner. Very Christmas spirited indeed.
    Merry Christmas to you and Wendy! Hope you recover quickly and completely.

  8. And if she doesn’t get that job we could always nominate her for third base bag for the entire combined American and National baseball league. All she’d have to do is lie. I mean lie on the ground, of course. But lie. She’d be very good at that. And could wear a hard hat while doing it.
    Get well soon, Rafe.

    1. Now, now, Anne, let’s leave decent, honest ballplayers out of this! Soccer is merely a game! Baseball goes to the very core of civilization itself!

      It is, the saints be praised, the season of forgiveness but don’t push it!

      On the cheery side, in four months the VOID is over! PLAY BALL!!!

  9. The biggest problem in Canadian politics, either provincially or federally, is the massive sway of un and grossly misinformed, low information voters.

  10. I think you’re being unfair Rafe. Give credit where credit is due. The photo in your article seems to indicate a new level of efficiency has been reached.

    The ability to shovel twice as much in half the time.

  11. Brilliant! Time in hospital well spent (not an easy thing to do!). Thank you, Rafe – wishing you a happy and healthy 2016, looking forward to more of your pithy wisdom.

  12. Sorry, Mr. Mair but it is flawed. The position doesn’t create 100,000 jobs in BC. It doesn’t wipe out our deficit in 15-20 years. And it doesn’t help build LNG Plants.

    1. Pshaw!!!

      I just gave her the idea! When she and the gumshoe run the numbers through abacus under the tree the numbers will be there!

      After all, when evidence is needed, who has the track record for making numbers match facts and vice versa?

      Oh ye of little faith …

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