Peaceful Paddle lands Site C opponents on terrorist watch list

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2012 Paddle for the Peace (Damien Gillis)
2012 Paddle for the Peace (Damien Gillis)

The following letter was written by the Paddle for the Peace Planning Committee in response to an article in the Toronto Star which stated that events like the upcoming Paddle for the Peace (July 11th) were on terrorist watch lists.

Dear Editor,

According to the Toronto Star (March 30, 2015), the Federal government has included the Paddle for the Peace on a terrorist watch list.  And here we thought we weren’t getting any attention.  We are in good company, though.  Also on the list is a physicians’ group opposed to child poverty, Mother Theresa, and a senior’s quilting group from Bugtussle, Saskatchewan.  In an effort to save our government security agencies time, not to mention the Canadian taxpayers a great deal of money, we’d like to present a brief resume of some of the key players on the Paddle for the Peace planning committee.  It is a rogues gallery indeed.

Retired primary school teacher Ruth Ann Darnell is the Chair of the Peace Valley Environment Association.  She has been working to save the Peace Valley from Site C since the 1970s.  Back then, Ruth Ann’s subversive activities were hampered by the fact the Internet was decades away from being created.  After a long day of teaching five year olds to read, she just never had the time or energy to trudge down to the Fort St. John library to research DIY incendiary devices.

After teaching her sixteen year old son to drive, local children’s clothing retailer Danielle Yeoman knew she was one of those rare talents every ISIS recruiting officer dreams of discovering.  She desired to really put her nerves of steel to the test.  But her terrorist career was over before it was started when she learned those torso belts packed with explosives add at least six inches to your waistline.  I mean really, there are limits to what a girl will do to support a violent fanatical cause.

When she was a little girl, Diane Culling dreamed of becoming a pot-smoking tree-spiker fighting to save the rain forests of the Sudan. Unfortunately she found the required cannabis consumption affected her fine motor skills.  She kept hitting her own thumb with the hammer.  In the end, she was forced to limit her mind-numbing activities to sitting through endless BC Hydro consultation meetings.

Local business owner Wendy Crossland’s membership application was regretfully declined when the Al-Qaeda executive realized she never stops smiling and laughing.  They might be a blood-thirsty terrorist organization, but they do have some standards.

And then there’s Tony Atkins.  He was in from the start and in it until his untimely death from cancer a few weeks ago. Educator, tireless community volunteer, virtual saint, and all-round asset to Fort St. John.  He won’t be there in the flesh at this year’s Paddle, but believe me, he will be there in our hearts.

So, that’s just a few members of the notorious PPPC (Paddle for the Peace Planning Committee).  There are others, but they’re like Voldemort – we don’t even say their names out loud.

To our friends at Canada’s spy agencies – I hope this helps.   If you want mug shots and finger-prints please meet us at our rendezvous site on the west side of the Halfway River bridge on Highway 29 on July 11th.  Bring a spare shirt in case you drip pancake syrup.  And don’t forget your life jacket; because, after all, at the Paddle for the Peace we are all about public safety.

Cordially,

Paddle for the Peace Planning Committee

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17 thoughts on “Peaceful Paddle lands Site C opponents on terrorist watch list

  1. Sure, put BC Hydro $9 billion deeper in debt for Site C.

    BC Hydro is only, what, $17 billion in debt now, not including $56 billion owed to IPPs.

    Then look at $70 billion BC total provincial debt.

    see p.35:

    http://bcbudget.gov.bc.ca/2015/bfp/2015_budget_and_fiscal_plan.pdf

    Then add $102 billion in BC Govt contractual obligations:

    see p. 5:

    http://www.fin.gov.bc.ca/ocg/pa/13_14/Contractual_Obligations.pdf

    Don’t worry, everything will be just fine. Cough.

  2. Paddles can be used to spank . our politicians need a spanking.. therefore they consider paddles dangerous.. I consider gangs of politicians dangerous and want the party system gone so politicians cannot hide in a gang and damage the country with organized criminal behaviours.

  3. Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad! When decent people like Ruth Ann Damall and members of the estimable Paddle for The Peace folks can be investigated for terror there’s no hope for the local Sunday School.

    But there’s a serious side to this – these dingbats in charge and their political bosses believe!

    It’s so east to let one’s mind wander from incredulity to laughter but it really isn’t funny at all when you think of the taxes paid on direct orders from the PM for this sort of dangerous foolishness.

    It can easily stopped if we remember that Harper has made this the main election issue.

  4. Kudos to the Paddle Committee for writing this letter. I too cannot make the Paddle this year but will help our MP Bob Zimmer top up Harper’s watchlist. Doing the two birds with one stone thing we can also help his fearful leader add to his C-24 list of unwanted Canadian citizens. It’s inspiring to realize that our country’s citizens can stand up against our gutless provincial and federal leaders.

  5. If this wasn’t such a sad situation it would be nothing short of hilarious. Good job on the letter.

  6. What a joke this government is. I can’t make the Peaceful Paddle but they might as well add me to the Terrorist Watch List. In fact, add 80% of British Columbians.

  7. I am writing to you from under my bed. Please excuse the trembling handwriting. Never the terrorists been more terrorising or terrorised me more. Some of us read the CSIS report and have been hiding in a broom closet ever since.

  8. Congrats to Ruth Ann Darnall and other Paddle for the Peace members – getting on the federal government’s terrorist watch list isn’t easy … well I could nominate a few potential members …

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